The word is a very exciting place

Im not sure if its me being a bit drunk, or if its becuase i just listened to Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Ray 40 times, but im in one of those moods where i think anything is possible. im not going to make you read between the lines, im going to come out and say it, yes, i do think about suicide, its the thought that if i did it, i wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again, i wouldn't have to worry about desperatly tidying denim flat pack at work anymore, i wouldn't have to feel so upset and annoyed when everyone tells me they love the new gay guy at work, becuase lets face it, i am gay, but i am not viewed as such, i am viewed as one of the girls, and i don't think people realize how much that hurts, becuase i know that probably i will never b one of the girls. i wouldn't ever have to worry about annoying my parents, or fretting because most of my friends are really thin and a nice height, wheras i am ridiculouly tall and have huge sticky out clown feet.i...

Hello all, A question that has been plaguing me recently is the feeling of lust, why do we lust? Theres no reason, other than something in our brain says i want it, and we act on that impulse in whatever way we can, whether it's buying that new top, or sucking in your stomach when a man walks past, or even as simple as a dirty thought. The thing that i have thought most about is how lust is not just unique to each person, but unique to each situation and accessory. let me explain my odd thought process. Scenario uno: (this happens to me a lot) So you are in a club, shaking your booty and having a good time. You catch a guy's eye (he's usually straight and dosn't realize i am a guy but thats another blog post) you go up to him, slut drop a few times, make out and thats it. the lust part is over, and you are left feeling either foolish, a bit of a whore or scared as his friends/ girlfriend come over to start a fight. Scenario dos: (this happens to me all the time!...

i have so much to say that it hurts, but i cant say it. theres nothing i can do, i have to just hold it all in. occasionally i have a blip, like on saturday night when i was drunk and i phoned my best friend and told her a little bit of it. but it didn't even scatch the iceberg. i want to say it, but i just cant, theres no words that can even come close

Well first of all, happy Valentines to everyone, and second of all, I GOT A DATE!!! **screams!** Admittedly it is with my dear friend Ramona, and i did have to twist her arm to get her to say yes, but on a technicality, it means i am not single for the first time in over 2 years! we are going out clubbing, and if last time was anything to go by, i should hook up with someone very easily. Apparently last time i snogged one guys face off, and then got on somebody else a bit later, i never knew i was such a catch? but i was so drunk i don't remember doing it, so that might be why it happened! i'm also hoping that i wont need the toilet, becuase after the abuse i got last time in the mens, i'd rather pee outside. I went in, and this guy was like "Are you a dude?" and i said yes, and he said well i'll have to watch you pee to make sure, and was just an enormous prat about it, and it left me feeling upset, so it killed the mood of the night a bit until i managed t...

Hello! Hola! Once again i find myself singing and dancing around the room to new songs i have just discovered. Marry Me by Krista, Summertime love by Sabrina Solnero and Gloria by Laura Branigan. My mum is somewhat surprised by the fact that i am entering a period where i like 80's music, which i have always tolerated, but i guess now i have lost all of my street cred i can say i like it :D Once again, i find myself going completely against the grain, and i seem to be the only one  ready meals with beef in them. To be honest, and to inject some sense into this manic panic the united kingdom has once again gotten itself into, people have eaten that horse meat for possibly over a year! another couple of portions really isn't going to make much difference. I think people are making a fuss because the horse meat was put in the sneakily. I understand that this has caused problems for those who don't eat certain meats, like our Muslim and ...

Well hello, i'm back again! i'm making a conscious effort to try to keep up with all my obligations this year, and in case you are wondering, i'm listening to hot stuff by Donna Summer, which gave me the inspiration to write this blog post. I know i bang on a lot about searching for a man and love, but i think i had a bit of an epiphany while i was at  a friends birthday do a couple of days ago. You see, ive spent so much time and effort searching for a man, when in all fairness, i don't actually need one. Ive always thought that i do need someone to look after me, particularly when i have those moments of depression and madness. But i don't. I think that i spent so much time searching for him, that i have lost track of myself. Dont get me wrong, if he found me then i would go out, but i'm not actively looking for the time being (although i do find myself checking my dating profiles fairly frequently) i want to spend this time to carve out my future ...

Well hello, and to start off with i must apologize for the lack of recent activity. You see after christmas, all of the extra hours stopped, although i was given more for my basic, it does mean i have three days off (as well as 2 half days) so i;m not quite sure what to do with myself. so to be honest, i've just spent the time in bed, dozing and watching porn. I am a little annoyed with myself, there is so much i could have done, but havn't. i still have a  christmas video to upload to youtube, i have not done a dosed daily video for at least five weeks, all becuase ive felt depressed and spent time asleep. i feel better now, and am trying to focus my energies more on achiving things. my writing has taken a step back and to make matters worse, my extreme shopping has caused my bedroom to drown in clothes and bags. thats my first step for today. ive already done all my ironing, and now im going to takle my bedroom, for it is going to become my budwior! i have no idea how to ...

So the parcel came in the end, at about 2 in the afternoon, i trialed it out, it was perfect, then i realized i had to be at work for 4 and it was just gone 3, so i cleaned myself up, ate some cous cous and went to work, and becuase i was in such a good mood, i stayed an extra hour to help out becuase they were moving everything around, my jeggings are now spread over two tables and there are loads of new colours, happy me!! :D xoxo

i'm currently say in our front room (everyone else calls it the living room, but since we have two because i am a queen i call this the front room) with my laptop, because i ordered some, personal items lets say, from ebay, and because i couldn't afford nominated day postage which was £3 more, which dosn't sound like a blot, but overall the stuff i'm buying cost exactly £50, and i only had 6 in the bank account, so i had to borrow some money off my parents. they were not pleased. but anyway so with standard delivery i was told it would be here either monday or tuesday, so i'm sat by the door so as soon as it comes and can grab it and whisk it away upstairs before anyone cans see it and ask about it. But, my dad, the worlds most amazing person (that was sarcastic if you didn't guess or know him) has just this morning decided he wants to complelty renovate the front garden -_- so he's going to be the one to see the package and will ask me about it,...

hello again, It feels like i havn't been on here for ages, the whole of 10 days. To be brutally honest, i havn't actually done a whole lot. I brought me and my mum chinese for dinner today, we had duck pancakes to start, and i had king prawn chowmein and she had chicken foo young and we shared some ribs which wern't particularly nice. If you are in Woolston, i'm talking about the Magic Wok, good service, it was ready quick, and was only £20.80 for the lot, and i got given some free prawn crackers as well. My writing has taken a step back at the moment, as i'm reliving my fascination with the sims 3 pets, and i'm a bit annoyed becuase i can't find the sims 3, and i think it might have fallen behind my chest of drawers thingy, which i'm never gonna find becuase it's so darn heavy to move (that is the dresser, not the sims 3) as it's coverd in all my deodrants and face stuff and a numerous amount of x mas trees :D Dosed Daily has been on a do...