A very interesting weekend.
Hallo!
As it so happen's, im on a night shift again. This time for homeware, launching the crhristmas gift shop.
Oh god christmas, it seems to get worse every year. It get's busier, standards get higher, yet it's just little old me trying to hold everything together. Great fun you could say.
Ive had a very interesting weekend. I stayed the night at Donnington spa near newbury, and it was a lovely hotel. I went with James and things were going well. He even told me about job opportunities where he worked, and maybe suggested the idea that I apply for a job there. It's not the first time we've talked about it, but it seemed like a serious suggestion. We had a few glasses of wine and went back to the room. Im not entirely sure what happened, but I was lying on the bed and he sort of leant on top of me to try to come onto me, but I sort of flinched and elbowed him in the eye. I felt awful, I apologized and held a cold compress on it for him. We didn't really speak that night, but as soon as we got into bed he wanted to hold my hand as he slept. I never sleep very well with him, but I don't think that's him. More me. The only time I ever share a bed is with him, and usually it's without the regular comfort's of my own bed. Plus he is usually cold whereas I'm melting from the extreme heat I seem to produce.
Breakfast was okay, but he seemed a bit distant when we were in the pool. Now I don't like water, so I might have annoyed him because I would have rathered just stand in the corner, but he wanted to do lenghth's and I tried but I can only sort of doggy paddle my way about. I get the feeling he is ashamed of me when we are out and about, because I'm not middle class and I just don't really fit in in nice places. We drove home nad I was telling him about my friend (who we will call Lucifer to keep him annoymous) who wanted me to become his keyholder. James listened to it, and we talked about it, but the conversation sort of died and we ended up with a bit of a sour silence at times.
So today I met Lucifer for the first time, and after a slightly kinky walk at the park (after two abortive attempt's in other places) he gave me his keys. I was expecting like a full orchestral announcement, or maybe Morgan Freeman appearing from the bushes in a suit and sandals to announce I was now in a position of responsibility.
Of course none of that happened, but I do now have Lucifer's key's until wednesday. He wanted me to make send humiliating messages to people on grindr, and I told him to watch porn while he was locked, just to tease him. Fair enough I had a bit of a laugh. I think I enjoy being a keyholder, although I don't think I fully understand the whole thing, but as they say learn while you live, or something to that effect.
I sent a snapchat to James, and got a really funny text that said "You don't waste any time"
I had no idea what it meant. So I replied "What do you mean? Is it about being a keyholder?"
All I got was a "Yep"
I was really annoyed because I had talked to him about it. Talk about double standards. He has hookup's with people whenever he want's, Yet I become a keyholder (And nothing even happened between me and Lucifer!) and suddenly I'm a bad person for it?
I felt like sending a really shitty message because I didn't think that was fair. He might want me to be a submissive to him in the bedroom, which in all fairness I do oblige mostly, but I am not having him judge me and make my decision's and choice's for me. No way. Not happening.
So I just said that Lucifer had messaged me to meet up, and asked if there was a problem with that. After half an hour, all I got was "Nope not at all" with a smiley face.
Why are bloke's so hard to read or understand? With a woman you can at least use the background knowledge of them and they understand that you are confused. Men just blast through without a moment's thought.
I should know, I am (Mostly) a man.
Does anyone else ever get this from a friend/fuck buddy/masqurade partner?
The trouble is, I feel so lonely sometimes, that I find myself going to him for a bit of intimate company. I know that sound's so bloody sad it's unreal, but it's true. I have load's of amazing friends, and I'm always meeting up for drink's, dinner and delicious chaos, but I miss having a close connection. Or rather, I'm still looking for my first real connection. Me having a connection with someone is one thing, but usually for it to count the have to have one with me.
Nevermind. I just need to get over myself.
After I finish work on Wednesday mornign I have ten day's off. I was considering booking a cheap flight and hotel somewhere, just so I can be somewhere different, but I don't know how likely that will be. Needless to say, I will force myself to do something each day, because the thought of being alone the whole time makes me feel quiet empty inside.
As it so happen's, im on a night shift again. This time for homeware, launching the crhristmas gift shop.
Oh god christmas, it seems to get worse every year. It get's busier, standards get higher, yet it's just little old me trying to hold everything together. Great fun you could say.
Ive had a very interesting weekend. I stayed the night at Donnington spa near newbury, and it was a lovely hotel. I went with James and things were going well. He even told me about job opportunities where he worked, and maybe suggested the idea that I apply for a job there. It's not the first time we've talked about it, but it seemed like a serious suggestion. We had a few glasses of wine and went back to the room. Im not entirely sure what happened, but I was lying on the bed and he sort of leant on top of me to try to come onto me, but I sort of flinched and elbowed him in the eye. I felt awful, I apologized and held a cold compress on it for him. We didn't really speak that night, but as soon as we got into bed he wanted to hold my hand as he slept. I never sleep very well with him, but I don't think that's him. More me. The only time I ever share a bed is with him, and usually it's without the regular comfort's of my own bed. Plus he is usually cold whereas I'm melting from the extreme heat I seem to produce.
Breakfast was okay, but he seemed a bit distant when we were in the pool. Now I don't like water, so I might have annoyed him because I would have rathered just stand in the corner, but he wanted to do lenghth's and I tried but I can only sort of doggy paddle my way about. I get the feeling he is ashamed of me when we are out and about, because I'm not middle class and I just don't really fit in in nice places. We drove home nad I was telling him about my friend (who we will call Lucifer to keep him annoymous) who wanted me to become his keyholder. James listened to it, and we talked about it, but the conversation sort of died and we ended up with a bit of a sour silence at times.
So today I met Lucifer for the first time, and after a slightly kinky walk at the park (after two abortive attempt's in other places) he gave me his keys. I was expecting like a full orchestral announcement, or maybe Morgan Freeman appearing from the bushes in a suit and sandals to announce I was now in a position of responsibility.
Of course none of that happened, but I do now have Lucifer's key's until wednesday. He wanted me to make send humiliating messages to people on grindr, and I told him to watch porn while he was locked, just to tease him. Fair enough I had a bit of a laugh. I think I enjoy being a keyholder, although I don't think I fully understand the whole thing, but as they say learn while you live, or something to that effect.
I sent a snapchat to James, and got a really funny text that said "You don't waste any time"
I had no idea what it meant. So I replied "What do you mean? Is it about being a keyholder?"
All I got was a "Yep"
I was really annoyed because I had talked to him about it. Talk about double standards. He has hookup's with people whenever he want's, Yet I become a keyholder (And nothing even happened between me and Lucifer!) and suddenly I'm a bad person for it?
I felt like sending a really shitty message because I didn't think that was fair. He might want me to be a submissive to him in the bedroom, which in all fairness I do oblige mostly, but I am not having him judge me and make my decision's and choice's for me. No way. Not happening.
So I just said that Lucifer had messaged me to meet up, and asked if there was a problem with that. After half an hour, all I got was "Nope not at all" with a smiley face.
Why are bloke's so hard to read or understand? With a woman you can at least use the background knowledge of them and they understand that you are confused. Men just blast through without a moment's thought.
I should know, I am (Mostly) a man.
Does anyone else ever get this from a friend/fuck buddy/masqurade partner?
The trouble is, I feel so lonely sometimes, that I find myself going to him for a bit of intimate company. I know that sound's so bloody sad it's unreal, but it's true. I have load's of amazing friends, and I'm always meeting up for drink's, dinner and delicious chaos, but I miss having a close connection. Or rather, I'm still looking for my first real connection. Me having a connection with someone is one thing, but usually for it to count the have to have one with me.
Nevermind. I just need to get over myself.
After I finish work on Wednesday mornign I have ten day's off. I was considering booking a cheap flight and hotel somewhere, just so I can be somewhere different, but I don't know how likely that will be. Needless to say, I will force myself to do something each day, because the thought of being alone the whole time makes me feel quiet empty inside.
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